Hey Matthew,
This is your future self speaking.
This whole situation you're experiencing at home right now--I'm sorry it's happening.
I know how much it sucks. I know you're tired.
Things are going to stay this way for another few years and some months, and I'm not going to lie, they're not going to look very pretty. But one day, mom and dad are going to pull you into the sun room and tell you that they're separating. It's okay. You're going to feel a lot of different emotions about it in the years to come, but in the moment, what's going to wash over you is mostly relief.
Soon, you're going to grow up fast. It's going to happen quicker than you want it to, probably earlier than you were meant to. Mom is going to move somewhere else. You're going to shuffle between two different homes with Alex, switching back and forth constantly. It's not always going to be fun or something that you want to do, but this is better in the long run. I promise.
You're going to start dating soon. I know, right? When you turn twelve, if you really want the specifics. Honestly, it's way too early, but it will be fun. There will be a few others after that, and then you'll meet someone very important in high school, and two more who will change your life in college. Heads up, though--the second one is going to break your heart. Contrary to how it will feel, it won't kill you.
Many years will pass, and you won't really see mom and dad in the same room anymore. In fact, dad is going to meet another woman one day. Mom might meet other people, too. It's okay. Just make sure you're honest with them about how you feel.
Alex will end up at the same college as you in a place called Nashville, a city in the south. You're going to road trip there as a family. It will be the first time in a long time that the four of you are together. While eating dinner with them that weekend, you will be surprised by some tears, and you'll feel something complicated in your chest. You're going to feel grief for something that never even existed.
It's okay. You're not crazy for thinking this way.
I know. You're scared that you might end up divorced, too. I get it! But one day, you're going to think that maybe divorce isn't such a bad thing. You're going to realize that mom and dad did their absolute best. That just because they stopped loving each other doesn't mean that they ever stopped loving you. And that their decision to separate was one of the best things to ever happen.
You will heal so much. And rather than a weakness, you're going to see all of what's happening right now as a beautiful superpower.
There's a lot of change coming. You're an actor now--yeah, you don't want to be a visual artist anymore. Even your name will be different in a few years. Something called "COVID" is also on its way. I won't say anything more about it because you might get freaked out, but know that you make it out on the other side just fine.
Be patient. Be kind. And trust that it's all working out for you.
I don't want to spoil too much, but know that somehow, in some way, what you're experiencing in this moment is going to bring you all over the world. It's hard to explain, but you'll understand.
You're going to the North Pole, buddy. And the Pyramids in Egypt. And you're going to see elephants and lions in Africa. You're going to see it all.
You're not alone in this.
I'll be right here on the other side--waiting for you.
MZ